she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
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I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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