I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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