i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
