Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
