We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
