Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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