I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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