i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize