I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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