You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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