I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
