If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just want nice things and good sex
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
