he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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