Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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