she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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