Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
