By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
