I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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