I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
