god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize