Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
