no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Everclear isn't food dammit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
