ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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