You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
