If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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