She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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