Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
