The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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