Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
