im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
