I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
