Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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