U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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