OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He felt like a one man threesome
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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