can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
