You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
