just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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