p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
