Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
