So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
