Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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