I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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