My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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