i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
