Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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