just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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