she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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