I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
