I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
