I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
