Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think a kid would responsible me up
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
