you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I AM VODKA MAN
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
that is very illegal...i love you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
