Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
