God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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