I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
