11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
