I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
