I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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