I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
