if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
