I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
