How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
