It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
