I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
