I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
