When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
