woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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