I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
