so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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